Meeting My Biological Father

Today was very interesting. Confusing. Akward. Bittersweet. Emotionless, yet full of emotion. My biological father had a stroke last summer and was left speechless and motionless on his right side. He stutters in "tetete", these are his words. He understands and can answer "ne" for yes when you ask him questions. He lives downstairs from my sister. Today we opted to go down stairs and see him. To my surprise, he recognized me. He cried. He wiped his tears and cried again. He couldn't believe I was there. For the first time in 31 years my father saw his daughter. I saw my father. I am not angry that he left, I am a better person. He left my mother and I and never spoke to me since. I don't know that he ever thought he would see me. I know today, that whether he regretted it or not, he is still human and realized in front of his eyes stood his own blood. His wife looked at me, when he was crying, and said "blood can't turn into water." I suppose it's true. Only God knows what my father did: to me, my sister, my mother, his wife, and any one else in the world he mistreated. Today, only God knows his heart: if it's regretful or happy. And only I saw the look in his eyes when he saw me. Unable to speak to me or hug me. He kept squeezing my hand and looking at me intently as if were a newborn, examining my hands and feet and laughing at my tattoos :) He burst into tears and then into laughter, over and over again, at his desbelief that his daughter was sitting in front of him. Then we realized at a moment in time that my dad was looking at both of his daughters, both of his "Elenitsas" sitting together in one room, under one roof right in front of him. It was weird. Strange. I am glad I saw him. I couldn't find a tear to shed though. I couldn't muster up enough water to cry. Because I don't know him to be sad - does that make sense? To me, he was another human. I felt sympathy for his situation but no sympathy for his parenting status...none.