Movie - Before the Devil Knows Your Dead

Oh! Em! Gee!

Being that I had a crappy day, my friend John said I could pick any movie I wanted. I could have picked any chick flick I wanted. So, I picked Before the Devil Knows Your Dead. Ethan Hawke and Phillip Seymour Hoffman are both phenomenal actors and in this film they rocked.What I thought was going to be a total action film turned out to be a very thought provoking, emotional roller coaster. The plot takes turns that are unfathomable to my tiny human mind. Turns and turns that are gut wrenching and diseased to what most people think is normal. In the beginning the plot jumps to what you think is the climax but oh, does the plot thicken (no pun intended). I little slow in the beginning but fantastic movie. A little dark. I mean I saw things that blew me out of the water!!! You watch it and you think "what the hell!"

One of the things that really struck me about this movie is companionship. Companionship should be easy and simple. It made me think about what I want or look for. Really, since my separation with my ex I didn't think about that because I truly had no plans for it in my future. Watching this movie made me think about it a bit and realize what it is that I do want. I just want companionship. I can love anyone for a day or a month or even a year, but can I like someone for the rest of my life? I don't know that I ever want to get married again (not for now at least) but what I do want is someone to share my life with. I use to dream about romance but now I dream about someone whom I can talk to and share my innermost feelings. Is that weird?

I want someone that I can share my everyday, boring, mundane routine with and know that at the end of the day I can still sit down and talk about it. I want someone that I can wake up next to and just talk. That's all I want. I want someone who likes to do the same things as me. I want someone who will talk to me about life and changing and growing. I want someone who will hold my hand. I want someone who is my true partner. I want someone who will sit with me and watch the moon. I just want someone to be sitting next to me. I want someone to encourage me and inspire me.

In all of this, I want to do the same back. I have a very loving heart that scares most people away. I want someone who can handle that - everything I have to give. I want to be able to shower them with gifts and affection and love. Write them poems and take them on surprise trips. I want to be able to give 24/7 and them not get tired of me. I want to be able to see them sometimes every day and sometimes not and they don't care. I want to be able to have a girls night out and them a guys and its okay. But I want them to miss me when I'm gone. I want to have boring days where we each sit and read our own books but in the same room. I just want to know they are there.

I want to know that no matter what they will be there. Security.

I want to know that during the tough times in life they will let me be there for them.

I don't want it now or tomorrow. I want it when the time is right. I want it when I find the right person.

A companion in life. Mostly for the fun stuff and sometimes serious - is that weird?

I know this all may sound childish but these are the desires of my heart - I know, dreamy. I know this isn't going to happen tomorrow, it's just my wish list :) I just want the simple things. Nothing complicated - simple. It makes life so much easier.

Goodnight!